Tiffany has shared with me on numerous occasions that she always dreamed of a wedding on the beach. This had been in my thoughts since the day of our engagement as I wanted our wedding to be the most amazing day possible for her. At first, I thought it would be nice to get married on the same beach I proposed to her at Secret Harbour in St. Thomas but then, that limits our story and our memories to only one place. I’ve been to the Caribbean islands many times and thought that while St. Thomas had virtually no waves and the waters were calm it would be nice to have waves crashing the shoreline as we said our vows. Immediately, Condado Beach in San Juan Puerto Rico came to mind.

This opened a new set of challenges because in order to be married in Puerto Rico we needed to be there 3 days earlier to get all the tests and paperwork formalities taken care of. I could think of no more romantic day to wed my forever Valentine than on 2/14/10 which meant we needed to be in town by 2/11/10. Tiffany took care of all the logistics from this point. With the help of Nancy Converse from Quality Travel, Tiffany arranged air travel and lodging for us and about 6 family members as well as our honeymoon cruise on the Royal Caribbean to Barbados, St. Lucia, Antigua, St. Maarten & St. Croix. Everything was set well in advance and now we were just waiting for the day.

Our last “to do” was to find a nice wedding dress for Tiffany, a Cuban style outfit for me and a sundress for Alyssa. After a few days of looking we decided that Tiffany’s dress and my shirt would be custom made from local tailors in Virginia. We met with our respective clothiers, designed our garments, made payment and set a date for delivery prior to our leaving for PR. Everything was going according to plan but I guess that is when we should have first realized this wasn’t like us at all. Plan? We typically don’t make all these elaborate plans because inevitably things don’t work out to expectation and we have to do something else. Rather than risk disappointment, we live spontaneously and on impulse. Until now, however, it appeared that the plans had finally come together so we went about getting caught up on work until our departure.

From Wednesday 2/3/10 through Wednesday 2/10/10 we endured blizzard conditions and buckets of snow to an accumulation of about 4ft. Around 3:00pm on Tuesday, Nancy called to inform us that our flight on Thursday was already cancelled. This was just the beginning.

Tiffany and I just laughed and snapped into “Amazing Race” mode. Nothing was going to keep us from our long awaited vacation and marriage. Nancy looked for the nearest airport to reroute us which happened to be Charlotte NC; about a 7 hour drive in normal conditions. Still snowing like crazy, we rented a 4×4 Kia Sportage one way, finished laundry, packed and were out the door within 3 hours of Nancy’s call. Now, I’m not afraid to drive in any conditions but this was the scariest drive of my life. Snow covered black ice, wind gusts to 30MPH at times and white out conditions with near zero visibility on a two lane highway surrounded by tractor trailers and cars sliding all over the place.

9 hours later we arrived safely in Charlotte, ate dinner/breakfast at a local Waffle House and found a cheap hotel room for the night. Now at this point it should be noted that our initial flight plans were a non-stop, 3.5 hour flight from Dulles Airport to San Juan. Our new itinerary had us leaving Charlotte around noon, flying into Dallas around 3:00pm with a 2 hour layover and 4 more hours to San Juan.

When we arrived at the airport we learned it would cost $30 for a cab to the hotel. After doing some quick math we realized it would be more beneficial to rent a car for the next 4 days so we rounded up all 7 bags of luggage and took a shuttle to Enterprise. Within an hour we were driving through San Juan in a stylin’ Kia Rio which wasn’t too bad but lacked many of the amenities I like (space, cruise control, space, etc…). We checked into our hotel, had a snack and I played a few hands of black jack in the casino until bed time.

Day 2 – We woke up late, around 10am and went to the clinic for some required tests. After a comical few hours driving around town trying to interpret the non-English signs and road system we decided to go on a quest for the best beach in Puerto Rico. Using Google on our iPhones we learned the most talked about beach with rave reviews and stunning pictures was on the other side of the island; about 2 hours away. This journey took us through mountain passes, lush rain forest and seaside villages but after the first hour we were ready to just be on the beach. Well, we missed our turn and had to double back about 45 minutes. When we finally arrived at Playa de Ponce it was beyond expectation. By that I mean, the seaside ghost town was overrun with boarded up shops and graffiti, the small, eroded beach was covered in rocks and seaweed but the worst part was the water was dark and looked as if a chemical spill had killed the wildlife. Needless to say, we left very disappointed. Even after hours of research we still can’t figure out what happened there.

Day 3 – We went to the municipal building to get our marriage license and other paperwork taken care of and Tiffany’s relatives flew in that afternoon. We spent the day running errands in San Juan and visiting with family on the roof top pool of our hotel. Alyssa was happy to finally get to swim for the first time in months and we were happy to finally just relax for a bit. I spent about 3 hours in the casino winning back the money I lost the night before on Black Jack and again that night taking the casino for another $500. This was a good day.

Day 4 – Tiffany’s dress finally arrives after being over-nighted to the hotel from the clothier in Maryland. My custom dress shirt however, was not able to be sent out in time because of the snow. While Tiffany and her family walked the streets of Condado, near the hotel, looking for a sun dress for Alyssa, I drove all over San Juan looking for a store that sells clothes in my size. I finally gave up after a few hours and rejoined her family. Around 6pm Tiffany & I decided to go to the local mall to address my clothes situation and buy a few last minute things for the wedding. In my haste to make a cloverleaf exit on the opposite side of a very busy highway I hit the curb and popped our front right tire. I found a relatively safe place to pull over, changed the tire to the spare and headed toward the rental car company. Less than 3 miles down the road, I hit a pot hole and popped the spare. We slowed the car to a stop in a not so friendly section of town and learned that the rental car company would not help us. Their “Roadside assistance” which took an hour to find us, only helps with gas and changing tires but since we had no tire to use, we were responsible for covering any toe charges. This was ridiculous but we had parked in front of an Allied Truck rental storefront and after a bit of negotiating one of their mechanics hammered out the rim from the original tire, patched the hole and mounted it for us. By then the mall was closed, we were hungry, needed to swap out the car and my mother’s flight was due in about 90 minutes. After dealing with all of that, we picked up my mother and her husband from the airport, helped check them into their room and we spent a few hours playing black jack before bed. We won now a total of $1100

Wedding Day – While Tiffany & Alyssa got their hair did, mani-pedis and makeup I went to the mall to finish the shopping we attempted the night before. When I arrived at the mall at 9:45am I learned it didn’t open until 11:00am yet I was to be married at 1:00pm. I spent time in prayer, then found a bookstore to occupy my time until the mall opened. I found what I needed in about an hours time and headed back to the hotel to check out of the room and get ready for the ceremony. When I arrived at the destination on the beach where we were to be married I was unimpressed. The chairs and table were pushed to the back near the patio under some trees while thousands of beach goers sat in lawn chairs in front of us. The water seemed so far away. Knowing this was not at all what Tiffany would want, I called an audible and told the wedding planner that we were moving to the water. She wasn’t prepared for such a change and apparently there was an issue with moving the table and chairs so we all walked to the shoreline, took off our shoes, the pastor rolled up his pants and we were married with toes in the water.

At this point I would like to mention that the only way I could think of to improve this story for years to come, given that we were engaged in St. Thomas and married in Puerto Rico was to have our wedding bands custom designed with blue diamonds from my jeweler in Aruba. This is relevant mainly because it was warm and humid which means I had to wear my band on my pinky. During the photo shoot, Tiffany, Alyssa & I sat in the sand with our toes in the water and the waves crashing in. It was fun and just awesome but in my getting up from the water, I lost my wedding band and didn’t know this until about 10 minutes later. Tiffany had also taken a white gold medallion of her recently departed father’s thumbprint and tied it to her garter. This too was washed away. We were sad for a moment then quickly realized that everything happens for a reason and these were just “things” that could be replaced but our story would be with us forever.

Despite the calamity of events that brought us to our special moment, everything came together in the last minutes. God’s timing is perfect and when we put our faith in him, miracles are shown through his daily blessings. The ceremony was beautiful, the backdrop – breathtaking and the smile on Tiffany’s face, need I say… priceless.

]]> http://plannblog.wordpress.com/2010/02/26/wedding-n-sanity/feed/ 0 plannblog IMG_2395 Image6 IMG_2417 http://plannblog.wordpress.com/2010/02/25/n-gagement/ http://plannblog.wordpress.com/2010/02/25/n-gagement/#comments Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:47:43 +0000 plannblog http://plannblog.wordpress.com/?p=90 ]]>

Since that point I have thought about times when people around me have acted completely n-titled. The FedEx guy who stops and parks his truck behind my car as I’m trying to pull out, the woman who took my spot at the Black Jack table directly after stating I was going to sit there, the lady in the drive-through at the bank who was throwing a fit about the bank’s policy while we were waiting in line behind her, the grocery store customer who ran to get in front of me in line with their full cart even when I only had two items, the driver on the toll road who speeds up rather than allowing me to merge when I use my turn signal, the list could go on and on.

The problem I have is the unrealistic view people have of life. We are not n-titled to anything and we own nothing. It is by the grace of God that we receive gifts of His to borrow. The car you own was bought with money that came from the job which you could only do if you were given the talents to do that job well. As a matter of fact, the only reason you have anything in this world is simply because of the miraculous gift you were given from God: The gift of LIFE.

I’m sure you could probably think of someone almost daily that fits into the “N-Titled” category, from the person who wants credit for something they didn’t contribute to, to the room-mate who decides they are going to help themselves to something that belongs to you. Tell me your stories of the people in your life who seem n-titled, I would love to pray for them

In 2002 I had a 2 year old daughter, engaged to a great guy and just finishing college. Life was great. I was only a few short months from a courthouse wedding, had the potential of a great job on the horizon, getting more active in my church and loving the future I saw ahead then I got pregnant. At first the wave of excitement was bittersweet because although I was excited about having a baby with the guy I was going to marry, I was sad I wasn’t married yet. Never the less, I enjoyed the fact that I had been given a gift to celebrate.

A few days after the news, I found out my fiancé was a child molester. I felt angry, hurt, betrayed and dirty. I was carrying the child of a molester. I couldn’t fathom having to deal with having a baby girl that I needed to protect and keep away from this monster. I needed to make a choice, keep the baby, give it up for adoption or have an abortion.

Because the family of the molested child never brought charges, he was innocent in the eyes of the law. Keeping the baby would require visitation and if I went into hiding I would be breaking the law. If I decided on adoption, he would have the right to take custody of the baby. The only way I felt I could protect this child was to have an abortion. I was against abortion. I despised people who had abortions. Yet, what other options did I have? I was angry with the family of the molested child for not pressing charges. I was angry at the law which would give me the right to terminate a pregnancy without the father’s consent but not give it up for adoption to another home without his consent. Most of all I was angry at God for letting this happen.

After a few days of continual tears and questioning myself I decided on abortion. I continually told myself I was doing the right thing, I was keeping this baby from being brought into a world of harm. I was protecting my child from being a statistic of molestation. God would forgive me because I was just trying to do the right thing by my child. So, to the clinic I went.

I decided on taking the abortion pill which forces your body to have a miscarriage. I think the reason I decided to go that route was simply because I felt it was the “natural way” of doing it. I wouldn’t have to accept it as a true abortion.

The night I took the pill I was went into “forced labor.” I felt the cramping, the pains, the contractions as my body was trying to expel the fetus. Once it happened I saw it; the nubs for hands and toes, the place where the eyes, nose and mouth were going to be. I was devastated and broken. I had killed my baby and I wanted to take it all back. Even though I had all these feelings, I still maintained that I was innocent in God’s eyes as I had just done what I had to do to protect my child.

For the last 7 years I still maintained my innocence yet had this deep hole in my heart whenever abortion was discussed. I would cringe at the protestors and feel sick to my stomach when I would see the crosses lined up in church yards. I was pro-choice and was happy to share that belief. But, there was something that still seemed off.

The past couple of months God has been working heavily on my heart regarding the abortion and when I was talking with my new fiancé after church regarding the service God finally made it clear; I put myself in control instead of putting God in control. He is in charge. I was giving myself the ability to play the role of God, bending and shaping the reasons behind my actions to make them appear right in my eyes so I didn’t feel the guilt about the decision I made and could blame someone else. The problem is I was going about it all wrong.

To be a Christian is to follow the walk of Jesus and give ourselves completely to God. As a Christian I don’t have the option to make decisions based upon what I think it right but I need to consult God’s word through the Bible and in my relationship with Him in order to make decisions that I know are right.

I was pro-choice. I used to see bumper stickers that said pro-family, pro-religion, pro-choice and fully agreed with those words. I believed them simply because I felt as though God gave us free will, then we should have the freedom to choose. Although God gives us free will and the freedom to make our own decisions, that doesn’t mean they are the right ones. He creates life on purpose for a purpose. Each baby is sanctioned by God and is to be treated as the miracle they are.

I had the hole in my heart because I wasn’t being honest with myself but now I feel at peace as I have been forgiven. It took 7 years for me to finally ask for the forgiveness God was ready to give me years ago, but I needed to learn the lesson that I was not in charge. I’m thankful this Thanksgiving for the grace I have been given and the peace I finally have in my heart to be able to say I am pro-life; pro-God.

As I sit here at the keyboard, starring at my screens trying to decide which story to kick off this blog with I realize the goal is to take you, the reader, on a journey. To do so however I need to summarize my past and get you caught up to present day.

In 1998 I was at the top of my game, having built an impressive resume in technical support after transitioning from a long career in the food & beverage industry. In 1999 Computer Science Corporation had just hired me as a full time help desk technician after a 3 year stint as a subcontractor to various fortune 500s. I quickly grew to project manager for the Director of my division earning an impressive $55k per year.

In 2000 I decided to further my career and take a job as Director of IT for a local start-up making $110k per year. I bought a big single family home in a nice community and was excited to live the good life. Unfortunately that only lasted about 10 months before the start-up, shut down. I then took my trusty resume and spiffy Director title to a government contract firm who hired me to run their Internet Solutions Center (oooh). As soon as I was settled in my role and had retrained the staff to work more productively, all the executives used their golden parachutes and left me in the cockpit to fly solo. It wasn’t long before I found myself working for a big pharmaceutical firm as their Director or IT supporting clients in 6 countries with a helpdesk on both the east and west coast. (I know, I was impressed too.)

Well, as was par for the course, that didn’t work out. I was laid off after 3 short months because they hired a consulting firm to “retool” the organization from the top down. I guess I wasn’t the tool they needed. I had just bought my first new car custom built with every option. I remember leaving work with my box-o-stuff, Oakley shades on, sun roof open and jamming to country radio on my way out of the parking lot. Little did I know this would be the last job I would ever have.

I spent the next 5 months looking for a director level job, or maybe a helpdesk manager, ok how about Sr. Technician on a helpdesk somewhere. I couldn’t land a job at Home Depot stocking shelves. I was either over qualified, didn’t have a degree or the best one I heard was my experience overshadowed the team. For the first time in my life I was scared and I was going out of my mind looking for some way to keep this nice new home, the new car and some semblance of dignity. Then, to make matters worse, some holy crusaders crashed into the twin towers in NYC, the job market crashed and my unemployment was expiring soon. Oh yeah, good times.

A friend of mine from “startup/shutdown” asked me to visit his church because, “it couldn’t hurt”. This was like the lamest idea ever especially since I was not a believer in anything other than my own abilities and I loathed the entire concept of church. Those stained glass windows, wooden pews, organs and dusty old hymnals, no thanks. Way too many rules for me (stand up, kneel, pray, sing, kneel, sit etc…) Well, nevertheless, he was right and maybe one of those righteous do-gooders with a bleeding heart would hear of my sob story and give me a job.

WOW, what an amazing, life changing, first impression. The pews were cushy chairs, the hymnals were words on a big 16×16 video screen, the organ was a 10 person rock band playing over a concert-level sound system and the stage lights were cool. This was church? I spent the next few months attending regularly trying to make my way on the tech team as a volunteer. What I didn’t realize however, is that somehow, the bills were still getting paid.

Fast forward a few more months. I noticed that after each service I would go for a long drive alone to contemplate what I had learned and to balance it with what I thought I already knew. While doing this the strangest thing popped in my head and kept coming back like a nagging fly. No matter how hard I tried to focus on something else I kept hearing the phrase “Technology Services”. I remember thinking back on my life as a Technical Services Director and all the problems associated with upper level management making stupid decisions. I remembered how much I disliked how customer service wasn’t important and how making money was more important than recognizing staff loyalty. I remember crying because I missed the life but not the job. What did this mean, what was happening?

A few weeks later I saw an image, clear as day “Tech-Knowledgy Services”. What was this craziness about? So, I Googled it and found NOTHING. Being the techie that I am, I looked online to see who owned www.techknowledgyservices.com because surely they had an answer for me. But the domain was still available. I sat with my head in my hands, frustrated one afternoon sitting in front of my home computer. I took a knee and prayed this prayer I was given by the same friend who introduced me to Christian Fellowship Church:

Lord, May you bless me indeed,
and enlarge my territory,
may your hands be with me
and keep me from evil.

I continued on to ask for forgiveness for thinking I had any control in my life and that I needed help. I began crying out “Lord, please help me, I don’t know what I’m doing”.

Then the strangest thing happened, my phone rang. No, it wasn’t GOD but it was a friend of my aunt who lived a few towns over with a computer problem needing help. No sooner did I get on the road to help my cell rang again, and again and before the end of the day I was booked well into the night with people who needed my help. Although I didn’t want to take their money, each one demanded to pay me for my work so I charged a fair price of $75. That Sunday, in church, I prayed like none other. Begging for clarity. Instead of hearing God’s voice as I was expecting (well, dude heard word from a burning bush so I thought maybe it could happen again) I saw 10 unanswered voicemails. Some were people thanking me for work I did last week and others from people they told who were also looking for help. Um, did I just start a business? What should I call it? Wait, it’s coming to me… you guessed it Tech-Knowledgy Services.

I rushed home with the biggest fire under my butt that I’ve ever experienced. I was determined to use everything I had learned from all those jobs to build the most integrity driven, customer services focused, IT firm to help homeowners with computer problems. I stayed up all night building a help desk tracking database, countless nights building a website, working a pricing structure and building process while fixing computers. Work was flooding in. Within the first 3 years I was working almost 18 hours a day 7 days a week non-stop and couldn’t keep up with demand. I prayed daily and went to church regularly growing and learning about tithing and giving back.

Each Sunday my friends at church could see me weary eyed but still on fire about TK Services. Some of them, in the tech industry, came to my rescue on occasion when big jobs required more help. I was busting out of the seams with no relief in sight. A girl who I had volunteered with at church told me of her boy friend who lived in New Jersey. Apparently he was working at radio shack and wanted to move to Virginia to be closer to her so he needed a job. “Um, not to be rude, but I got this, I don’t need help right now,. but I’ll call you if I do”. She asked me to meet with him since he was in town so I took him to lunch. He was a cool, laid back Christian guy with a good head on his shoulders, recently graduated from college and was looking to get into the IT industry. I remember distinctly telling him that I was very impressed and that when I am ready to hire someone, if he is still available, I would love to make him my first employee.

Weeks went by and I forgot about this new guy yet business was totally out of control. I was scheduling clients 2-3 weeks out and on a Sunday after church this guy whom I met for lunch informed me he was moving to the area and would be at my house tomorrow morning to start work. Huh? “Well, ok”, I thought, “I could use the help, maybe pay him under the table for a bit until I get caught up but then I got this”. Fast forward to present day. This person whom I’ve grown to respect and admire has been with me through good times and bad. He has taken on every possible role one could serve in this company and now serves over 250 clients on his own as our Residential Support Manager.
Tech-Knowledgy Services grew so fast that I didn’t know what to do. I began hiring a new technician every quarter, had my accountant friend in Rhode Island help with payroll and eventually opened a network operations center in Ohio where 3 employees helped remotely.

In 2007 I fell into a deep depression. TK Services was making almost $600k per year with 9 employees and business was still growing fast. We were on autopilot and I took a huge step back. I found a game called Second Life where you live and work in a virtual world. I spent $13,000USD in this place growing a huge empire. I had over 50 employees from all over the world and built many unchristian like relationships. Business was going so well in Second Life that I had my most valued and most expensive TK Services employee “in world” helping me. This became almost his full time job. Deeper into depression I fell but in Second Life I was well liked by many. I had friends from every ever corner of the globe who logged in to talk with me. I fell in love, a few times, and became irritated when my real life company required me to actually do something for them. Never mind it was funding this major money pit but I couldn’t be bothered.

By December 2007 TK Services took a nose dive while I was asleep at the wheel. We lost ½ our monthly revenue yet because it was the holiday’s I wasn’t ready to lay anyone off. I knew that if I would just put a little effort back into TK “I could fix it”. Well, by February 2008 I had laid off the Ohio office, fired 3 other technicians and demoted the one guy who stood by me through it all. While I was still coming out of a depressed fog, trying to come to grips with the collapse of my real life company I had too much invested in Second Life to just walk away. So I stayed “in world” yet found it to be more of a chore than a haven.

By April, real life circumstances about forced me back to reality and while I was leaving Second Life under duress I knew it was the right thing to do. When I finally pulled my head out of the sand I realized what a mess my life had become in such a short time. My church friends were at a loss for words, the few remaining employees had lost all respect for me and my clients didn’t know me anymore. In my last week in Second Life however, I met a girl whom I didn’t like very much because she was so stubborn and egotistical and thought she had all the answers but as I listened to her ramble on about this and that I felt a weird connection.

I left Second Life in May 2008 and never looked back. This girl known “in world” as “Deviant Tigerpaw” had a real life name as well; Tiffany Jones. Her story was similar to mine and we bonded through our tales of woe. Every night we talked for hours and became unbelievable friends. In August 2008 Tiffany and daughter Alyssa moved to Virginia so they could escape their own pain and hopefully start a better life. I was all too eager to help.

Tiffany began helping me get back on my feet spiritually. She encouraged me to go back to church and to just hold my head high and push through as I always have before. This was different though, I was broken beyond words and in ways I couldn’t understand. By this time I had destroyed all trust with my friends, my staff and my church. I was alone, beat down and utterly destroyed. I honestly didn’t care what happened to me and there were many nights I prayed to be taken out of my misery.

If this doesn’t seem bad enough let me back up and give you some additional highlights. In January 2007 I was informed by the IRS, VA State Tax and Ohio State tax that I hadn’t paid them for a long time. My debt, to date, is $250,000. Also, my house foreclosed $180k upside down in June 2009.

After tons of prayer about my situation, my debt, my house and my relationship with Tiffany I heard a voice in my head tell me to Plan N this. “Just get back up and fix this” I began to see that as much as I loved a challenge, this was the biggest of my life and I had nothing left to do than seek God’s guidance and follow him.

I threw caution and all outside voices to the wind. I didn’t listen to my friends, my family or anyone else. I built a wall around all outside influences to ensure the only voice I heard was from God. As I was looking for a new home Tiffany and I decided to rent a place together. I didn’t think this was a good idea because “my bible doesn’t read that way” to quote a friend but it didn’t hurt to look. Since TK Services, what was left of it, was based out of my house, I needed to move it wherever I went. This means I needed lots of room so an apartment was out of the question. We looked at a ton of places but they seemed ghetto, run down and small. I was feeling defeated.

One night Tiffany sends me an email with a townhouse listing on Craig’s list in one of the wealthiest golfing communities in Northern Virginia. Well, I’m not a golfer but if it’s good enough for the Washington Redskins to live (my neighbors) it’s good enough for me. Problem was, my credit was/is in the toilet and I was in debt up to my ears but, why not try. When we met with the home owner I told him my credit situation and that I could only afford to pay $200 less than he was asking. He looked me in the eye, shook my hand and told me to meet him the next day with 2 months’ rent for a deposit and he would sign us. OK, duh, no brainer.

I went home and toiled over this for a long time. The house was beyond perfect. It was everything I had ever dreamed of in a house and the working conditions for my team would be a HUGE upgrade. All of this was too perfect but I knew I couldn’t live there without Tiffany’s help. I prayed and prayed but I didn’t hear any answers for or against. I begged for guidance and clarity. Long story short, this was the easiest, most stress-free move I had ever been a part of. It was so smooth everything that could go wrong, and usually did, didn’t. After two days of moving in, Tiffany and I had the entire house unpacked and well, we were living together.

I continued to pray for God to help me with this. To show my how to proceed and was willing to do whatever it took to make things right. In every prayer, I expressed how important it was that I be able to pay back my personal and professional debts. What happened next was nothing short of a major miracle. Stay tuned to learn more.